wow it's been a while.

Jaidian persuaded me n a way to come back heer. so i did. yay for me lol.

uhmm .. not much has been new lately. went to prom. that was fun.

Pat got a job. woohoo.

uhhhh... that's all i have to say right now

talk to you all later <3

Currently Listening Wreath of Barbs By :wumpscut: see related

okay so ... we worked things out

and i couldn't be happier.

i talked to Chad on the phone a few days ago for the first time.

aka Cosmic Blush :

omgz lol.

he's cute mhmmm.

we made fun of Jeffree Star and how we think he's a pathetic loser who thinks he's amazing but really he's just a pre-made celebrity haha. jerk.

he keeps telling me to call him but he's never home when he does lol. whatever it's cool.

ANYWAYS ...

i talked to Garrett also for like, 10 minutes on aim. i miss him. we used to be such good friends and talk EVERYDAY.

i miss a lot of my friends.

i hung out with Cyd yesterday. it had been a long time. we really need to start hanging out more. she's one of my best friends.

OH!

my dad said i could get a tattoo. we're making an appointment this friday. it's gonna be a nurse bunny with a medical symbol on its tummy and it's gonna be holding a big syringe and it'll be sitting like a doll. cuuuuuuute.

well, i must be off. talk to you all later <3

Fuck relationships.

Seriously.

Currently Listening Killing Time Again By Funker Vogt see related

ughh ... omg.

i feel like i'm in the center of a big black hole and i can't get the fuck out. i used to be so happy with my life but now i just feel like shit everyday.

i wanna have that feeling again ... that feeling you get when you know you love someone so much and you never want to let them go. i'm trying. but it just seems to be getting more and more less likely as time goes on. i feel like my heart is splitting in two right now.

i don't think he gets me.

it just always seems that he thinks his way of thinking is the right one and the way i think doesn't even matter.

he says he loves me more than anything butttt ... it just doesn't seem that way. or at least the way my opinion on love should be like.

which i want.

i don't know if this is working out for me.

i hate to say it but i miss having a boyfriend who knew what i needed.

this just fucking sucks i don't know.

Currently Listening Private Collection Ep By Yahel Bomb Creator see related

i'm so like, unhappy right now i could just puke.

i don't know what the fuck is wrong.

i miss everything.

i miss how i used to be so happy with what i was doing.

but now i don't even know what i feel or want.

i don't know what the fuck is going on with Pat anymore.

he seems so distant now and when he isn't it's only on his time.

if i ask him to come with me and spend some time he'll make up some excuse as to why i should do it on my own. when all i'd wanted to do was be with him. it seems like it's just not important to him anymore.

if he thinks like that then maybe i should be on my own.

as much as i hate to say it.

but we always disagree and get in arguments now.

and whenever i get upset he says he wants to try and change my way of thinking.

i don't want him to want to change me.

and it shouldn't be that way.

it shouldn't.

i'm just not happy. </3